Surrendering to Art: expressing the unspoken

“A work of art which did not begin in emotion is not art." ~ Paul Cezanne

Art has been in my life as a means of expression ever since I was a child. I learned oil paiting very early with my grandfather, and vividly remember spending afternoons in his studio watching him paint and mix colors, marvelled and impressed with everything around me. Brushes, canvases, all the different colors, textures, strong smells, sounds, all of that impacted me deeply, as I was born a highly sensitive child.

When I look back, not only was I developing a way of spending quality time with him, learning new things and having fun, I was also developing a very unique way of expressing myself, in silence and stillness. Soon I was creating my own paitings, and after taking the first steps with my grandfather, I started practicing with a teacher, until my early teens. Oil paiting and drawing (charcoal and graphite) were the techniques I devoted myself to, and as some family members began asking me to paint something for them, I started feeling really proud of my gifts and talents, becoming ever more confident. As adolescence emerged, I got interested in other activities, and slowly stopped drawing and painting.

It was only later, while attending Architecture school in Rio that I would connect again to art in its various forms, realizing how so much "like me" I felt, while expressing and creating my pieces, alone and in group settings, which in time turned out to be extremely fruitful. Being exposed to different artistic disciplines, different teachers and their ways of being, while also witnessing other ways of expression bloom in my class mates brought something that felt true and very meaningful to me. At the same time it also brought me some discomfort, as the pressure of completing, delivering and sharing my pieces to then have them scrutinized, criticized, judged and ultimately being rated by my teachers was sometimes, too much for my highly sensitive system.

What I started noticing was that when I contemplated the possibility of having my pieces admired by others, when I noticed how they inspired others when they shared their perspective with me, or when I remembered what it was like in childhood to be happy about my creations and how that impacted me, I could connect to something deeper inside that allowed my creative process to take shape, and freely express myself. At those times, what usually emerged through me turned out to be something really beautiful, as well as it created beauty all around me, others and the field.

As time went by I also took writing as a practice ~ again, silently and quietly. I was drawn to writing as a way to connecting to myself, feelings, emotions, and thoughts, trying to make sense of my life experience. As an adult, I engaged in a spiritual practice that invited writing as a regular practice, as well as revisiting the journal entries, from time to time. Over the years I was surprised at how much beauty and poetry I could find in my own writings, even if that was not what I aimed for as sat to write. There was something really magical about breaking free from my own judgment or expectations, and simply writing, as I had discovered earlier in life with my drawings and paintings.

There were countless times I would open up my journals, especially while facing challenging moments and suffering, to find exactly what my soul needed: gentleness, wisdom, love and acceptance. Words that had poured from the Unknown, made themselves known to me and through me, and grounded me back into myself.

Fastforwarding over 30 years, painting and writing today come together for me as a practice that connects body, mind, heart and soul, and occasionally lead to profound mystical experiences and revelations. Sometimes I write what I paint, while others I paint what I write, it doesn't really matter how I start, as I have come to the realization that these two silent ways of artistic expression can merge into one wholesome experience of integration to me. The more I allow, the more I flow and the more surprised and impacted I am. Also, the more centered and present I become, my main reason to often make room for it, as it benefits the field of all my relationships.

Deepening my own practice

Inviting myself into some curiosity and experimentation, I am taking a stand and publishing some of my art and writings, honoring the expression and flow of art & creativity as a pathway to healing and growth.

As someone who works with human development, I've seen how transformative it is when we allow our authentic expression to be held and reflected back to us, when we see our own beauty mirrored in community, in a shared safe space. Unexpected gifts emerge, we reclaim more of who we are.

Responding to a call, I'm creating a collective space where we can experience this magic together. I'll be sharing more about this offering soon. For now, I offer you this piece that emerged from my own healing journey through creative surrender.

Healing Vessel ~ watercolor on cotton paper

Here I am again

So deeply wounded and strong

The tears pouring within

They are the color of blood

The ones that run down my face 

Shine brightly and boldly

They're golden

And show me the way

I choose to keep walking

And pick up the pieces I see

They are making more sense now

As I put them together 

A kaleidoscope of colorful truths from somewhere in time

Looks so perfect in the eyes of Love

I suddenly see so clearly

Some of the roads I've taken

So many fields I've walked 

So many me's I've been

So many souls I've met

Nights have been my companion 

Forests, my silent embrace 

Sunrises, my faith and my hope

As I awake to breathe again 

And again, and again

Are you with me?

Poem written in June 2025, after completing the painting.

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